Wearing Myself Inside Out
by allpenninghufflepuff
Summary: Stephen Stills had his own life, as exciting and weird as Scott's or not.  SPOILERS FOR ALL VOLUMES OF THE SERIES.


Disclaimer: If I owned Scott Pilgrim, Scott would most likely end up with Wallace. Thank God I don't. They would never make a movie of my version.

Warnings: SPOILERS, (non-graphic, brief) SEX, AND SLASH. Also some strong language.

EDIT: The sections got all blended together so I added dividers. Tweaked a few bits. BTW, because this wasn't as clear as I thought, except for the last one, no section directly follows the one before it.

Wearing Myself Inside Out

Stephen Stills' relationship with Julie Powers started as most college relationships do; at a party. They had to shout to hear each other, and were pressed up together by the crowd. What the party was celebrating besides inebriated youth was anyone's guess.

"Are you in a band? You look like could be in a band." She had a hand resting on his shoulder, half dancing. "I've always wanted to date a guy in a band." Stephen swallowed hard, trying to stutter out an answer that would impress the attractive girl hanging off him.

"I-I'm not in a band, but I can play the guitar." Both her hands were around his neck and he felt compelled to awkwardly rest his hands on her hips. "Like legitimately play the guitar. I don't just have a guitar and tell people I can play it. I can read and write music, I know the chords, I…" He stopped rambling and leaned down to kiss her and she responded in kind. In a moment, it seemed, he had her pressed against the wall outside her dorm, his hand up her shirt. He let her go, very reluctantly, so she could unlock the door. He didn't think to actually introduce himself until she started to wiggle out of her underwear.

"I'm Stephen, by the way." The moment it exited his mouth, it sounded stupid. He just wanted to put a name to his face, even if she didn't remember. He had no clue why. But she smiled.

"Julie."

###

After their first breakup, Stephen was inconsolable. He couldn't muster any kind of energy or care for anything, not even the band. Julie was all he could think about. She was all he saw when closed his eyes. A deep throbbing ache filled his chest, and he could hardly bear it.

"Dude, Julie was, and still is, kind of a fantastic bitch." Scott didn't understand it, but then again, neither did Stephen. What was so attractive about this girl everyone else hated? He didn't have a clue. He just knew he loved her. It occurred to him, they had never used the L-word once. He had been so stupid, letting her slip through his fingers. It wasn't very long until she approached him.

"I'm sorry Stephen. It just got so out of control. I got out of control. This last week, I've done nothing but miss you. Can we try again?" He was so happy you could cry but instead he just held her close and whispered three little words into her hair and she whispered three little words into his chest. His world was whole again. The years would pass and that ache would dull into an uncomfortable throb in his head, but it always came with Julie's absence.

Almost always.

###

Somewhere college ended, he formed a new band, cut his hair, and still dated and broke up with Julie Powers on a regular basis. He wasn't happy with anything in his life. The band was mediocre on a good day, his job took up most his time and patience, and his relationship was, of course, total, utter, crap. He knew that all the band needed was one big break to get off the ground, to really get noticed. He'd thought opening for the Clash at Demonhead would be that break, but all he got was an truly awkward reunion with Envy (He now regretted pointing that out, he'd never guess it would catch on) and one more peek at Ramona's remarkably bad taste in men. However, another epiphany occurred when he helped Kim move and he saw Joseph's recording equipment.

"SEX BOB-OMB NEEDS AN ALBUM!" Why hadn't he thought of it before? The people who came to their shows couldn't be the only people in the world willing to listen, but no one knew. He was so psyched he barely heard Joseph's answer.

"…but only because I find you attractive."

"I'M OKAY WITH THAT!" Was he okay with that? Why not? It's not like he never encountered a gay person before. Besides, knowing **someone** was attracted to him was a good feeling. The last thought threw him off and he nearly fell down the stairs. Scott laughed, Kim teased, but Joseph just poked his head out of his room, mildly concerned, if only because he thought he'd have less work. Stephen couldn't really think of Julie, and that was a good feeling too.

###

His life began to center around a very set schedule: Work, record, sleep. Chop some vegetables, play some chords, catch some z's. There were few variations, and none of them included Julie. Except the fighting. Oh God, all of the fighting. The relationship was never stable, but lately if Stephen and Julie saw each other, shouting followed. At first Stephen tried as always to calm Julie down, but that changed.

"WHAT IS **SHE **DOING HERE?" Julie pointed at Knives who he'd meet walking to Sneaky Dee's.

"It's alright Julie, Stephen vou-" Knives was cut off by the harpy's shrieks.

"IT'S NOT ALRIGHT! HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW MY NAME? WHERE DO THE BOTH OF YOU GET THE NERVE TO DO THIS RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE?"

"Julie …" Stephen got up, trying to be the mediator of the one sided fight.

"DON'T TRY THAT JULIE BULLSHIT ON ME NOW, DICK!" Julie was winding up for an atomic fight, which Stephen wished to avoid at all costs.

"Why don't we get out of here, babe?"

"Are you talking about – DON'T TOUCH ME – about me or the ditzy Chinese nymphet? I HONESTLY did not expect that from you."

"Julie," Stephen sighed.

"I would have expected that from a million guys, but not you."

"Julie," Stephen gritted his teeth.

"I thought you were better than that."

"Julie." Stephen clenched his fists.

"You were better than that once. Then you got fucked up."

"JULIE!" Stephen shouted "Will you just shut the FUCK up EVERYONE is sick of YOUR SHIT!" Everyone stared, most because the noise, but the group stared because none had ever seen Stephen raise his voice to Julie. Ever. Even Julie was shocked, though she tried to play it down.

"I, uh, I'll go. But this isn't over."

Except it nearly was.

###

"You are a craptastic boyfriend, Stephen."

"I know Julie. I just…I'm stressed out from work and recording and…I've got a lot on my mind. So I couldn't get it up. I mean it's no big deal, right?" Soft noises came from Julie's side of the bed. Noises Stephen knew. Noises she shouldn't be making alone. "Really, Julie? You just couldn't wait until I left the room?" Stephen stormed to the pile of his clothes, pulling them on sloppily. He stood in the door frame, "By the way, this is me wanting you out of my life for good. And yes, I'm breaking up with you."

Sometime later, Joseph (and probably everyone else in the shared residence) was awoken by loud, fast banging at his door. He barely opened the door before a very drunk musician came barreling into his room, flopping into his chair, causing it to roll back a foot. Joseph sat in the other chair as Stephen pulled himself closer to the desk. The younger man smelled like a bar assaulted him. He hadn't bothered to button his shirt, only zip his jacket at some point. Joseph was speechless at the sight for a while. Stephen didn't notice.

"I would ask what brought here in this state at … two in the morning if it wasn't obvious you're here to get away from Julie."

"Julie can go screw herself," Stephen slurred before erupted in giggles, "which is exactly why I'm here. Irony. I think."

"I'm frankly too terrified to ask for details of what that…" Joseph was cut off when Stephen kissed him.

Well, less kissed and more Stephen fell into Joseph's face, but the intent was there, and so was tongue. Joseph slept on the couch after navigating the other into the bed.

Oddly, Stephen was, at that moment, having no issues getting it up. And that was a bit closer to irony. I think.

###

Stephen woke up to an aching neck and the smell of cinnamon. "Hey, Holly made these. Probably to apologize to Kim for what happened with Jason. Got you one." Joseph handed him a plate with a freshly baked cinnamon roll.

"You guys got any orange juice?" Stephen stretched, pushing himself out of the chair. They did. Of that Joseph was utterly certain. See, Joseph wouldn't have known earlier in the year, but Stephen always drinks orange juice with breakfast. Holly, Kim, and Joseph were now never out of orange juice even though none of the residents drank it.

"You have to get me out of here earlier sometime." Stephen said after he returned with a glass of juice. "I have a job. And a house with my own bed."

"I don't keep you here against your will. You should leave earlier." Joseph watched Stephen eat out of the corner of his eyes. His mouth twitched, a faint smile forming. " 'Sides it's not like I can't do this alone."

"Thought you'd like some company," Stephen grinned, until Joseph called his bluff.

"Bullshit. You're still running from Julie. You know it. You're afraid that you'll bump into her, she'll be so sorry, and you'll fall back in the trap and be chained to her forever." Stephen thought this through for a while.

"Maybe I'm not running." He answered humbly, looking down at his plate. Joseph scoffed and slipped his headphones on, beginning the day's work. "Maybe…" Stephen felt a lump in his throat as he continued unheard, "Maybe I just want to be here."

###

"Wait, where does that leave me? I can't pay for the rent for that place alone!"

"Neil I'm not moving out. I will still live there and pay my half of the rent." Stephen looked out at the faces of his friends. They didn't seem as shocked as he'd expected. He supposed the reasoning was if he had stayed with Julie for that long, he was either gay or crazy. At least they didn't think was crazy. Kim already knew (a consequence of being across the hall) and Wallace acted as if he'd known all along. Neil biggest worries were monetary. Scott wasn't there. Julie had just arrived.

"What?" The girl looked like she was on the verge of tears. Or maybe she'd been crying earlier. Maybe both. "Wha- WHY? Why did you ask me here? To rub it in my face?" A pathetic sob shook her body as she bolted out the door into the standing snow. Stephen ran after her.

"Julie, it's not like that." He grabbed her wrist and she clawed at his hand. "Coming out doesn't erase the years we spent together. You're still important to me, Julie. That will never change." The girl tried to look anywhere but at Stephen. She whimpered, tears flooding out of her eyes. "It didn't feel right, ya know, not telling you."

"That you cheated on me?" Julie stole a glance at Stephen, who looked shocked. That one quiet phrase rocked Stephen like none of the fights ever could. She pulled her hand out his slack hold.

"That's bullshit." Julie and Stephen were surprised to find Joseph had followed them. He continued. "Stephen is probably the best person in the world for putting up with you. Doesn't mean I have to. See, if someone hit on him while you two were 'on', or even if he just couldn't keep track, he would turn them down. I think he thought he loved you or something. So, if every say anything to imply Stephen was less than one hundred percent faithful to you, I will end you and make it look like an accident. I swear." Joseph, Stephen, and Julie stood in tense silence.

"I know. I don't know why I said all that stuff." Julie smiled "Any of it. Joseph, that one's a keeper. Don't be me. Don't screw up."

"You did not make him – " Joseph indignation interrupted by Julie.

"Doesn't mean I didn't screw up." She walked through the snow, feeling like she'd really learned something.

###

"Thank you." Stephen pulled Joseph closer. "For sticking up for me."

"Don't thank me. Bitch had it coming." Joseph mouth held a barely discernable smile. If people paid more attention, they would probably realize he had a healthy sense of humor.

"No really. It's good to know you think so highly of me. It's refreshing." He kissed Joseph warmly, one hand in the back of Joseph neck, the other on the small of his back, both of Joseph's hand resting on the singer's hips. After the came up for air, snow that was falling clung in Joseph's curly hair. "Let's go in." Joseph's hand remained on Stephen's hip and Stephen snaked an arm around Joseph's neck. "Any chance you'll ever shave that beard?"

"No."

"Come on, look at my face. It's like I was mauled by a kitten or something."

"No."

"What about a trade? Anything you would change about me?"

"No."

"Why are you so stubborn?"

"Just take the compliment and drop this."

The snow settled into Julie's footprints, and the exes felt a great relief, ready to move on.


End file.
